


where else would we go

by kocuria



Series: the Winter drabbles [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Headspace, M/M, Multiple Personalities, POV Outsider, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sharing a Body, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24944728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kocuria/pseuds/kocuria
Summary: “You’re Steve. We read about you in a museum,” the man wearing Bucky’s face says suddenly, probably deciding Steve’s finally run out of words.Steve perks up. “You read- wait, who’swe?”-Bucky comes in from the cold. But he's not alone.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky"Barnes & Winter, Steve Rogers & Winter
Series: the Winter drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805338
Comments: 40
Kudos: 361





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Куда еще нам было идти?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521834) by [fandom Starbucks and Evanstan 2020 (fandom_Starbucks_and_Evanstan_2020)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_Starbucks_and_Evanstan_2020/pseuds/fandom%20Starbucks%20and%20Evanstan%202020), [Merianda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merianda/pseuds/Merianda)



> The author has no experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder whatsoever (way too much with other fun mental stuff though).  
> You can find the series timeline [HERE!](https://kocuria.tumblr.com/post/637890812746891264/timeline-for-the-winter-drabbles-series)
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://kocuria.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/kocuria)  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s not Bucky, man. Steve’s best friend wouldn’t let him tear himself to shreds like that,” Sam says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics for Russian.

It’s a rainy Tuesday afternoon when Bucky Barnes saunters into the Tower, looks around confidently, clocks the nearest camera and waves his metal hand at it with a determined look on his face. Then he wordlessly sinks to his knees, puts his hands behind his head and waits.

“That’s not Bucky, man. Steve’s best friend wouldn’t let him tear himself to shreds like that,” Sam says, looking through the one-way mirror into the room where Steve keeps trying to have a conversation with the man. _Trying_ being the operative word here. Steve looks close to tears while Bucky - the Winter Soldier? - just watches him appraisingly, head tilted to the side and body language completely open even though he’s cuffed to the chair with Hulk-proof restraints.

Steve protested those vehemently, but Natasha insisted.

“Well, it’s not the Winter Soldier, either,” Natasha counters. “He hasn’t tried to kill any of us. He came in and _surrendered_ , for fuck’s sake. That’s not in any version of his programming that we know of. Does he look like he’s being interrogated? He _wants_ to be here. Whoever that is, it’s not the killer they had train me.”

Sam just runs his hands over his face and groans. “I _can’t_ , it’s like watching a puppy get kicked, we need to get Steve out of there, look at him!” 

Steve looks like he’s a second from falling apart - he probably wouldn’t mind, either, if it got him a reaction. His hair’s a mess, he’s still in the sweated-through workout gear, and his whole body radiates hurt confusion. It _is_ quite like watching a particularly miserable puppy, Natasha decides.

“You’re Steve. We read about you in a museum,” the man wearing Bucky’s face says suddenly, probably deciding Steve’s finally run out of words.

Steve perks up at getting somewhere, _anywhere_. “You read- wait, who’s _we?”_

“So we should call you…” Sam trails off.

“Winter,” the man says calmly, and Steve makes a tiny sound, like he’s just been shot but trying to keep it down.

Sam’s so fucking grateful for the hundreds of hours spent counselling vets at the VA that let him keep the shock off his face. _Keep your head, Wilson, this is why you’re here._ Steve’s gone all white and wild-eyed the moment he realized he wasn’t, in fact, talking to his best friend. That’s when Sam decided to step in.

“As in, the Winter Soldier,” Sam says carefully.

Winter’s face contorts and the sound that comes from him can best be described as a snarl. Both Sam and Steve flinch back, Sam’s hand automatically going to the weapon holster he’s not wearing. Steve looks torn between getting into a battle-ready crouch in front of Sam, and flinging himself to his knees in front of his formerly-dead best friend and begging. 

(For what, though?)

Winter’s face goes eerily blank, the fury gone just as quickly as it appeared. “The Soldier is gone. There’s just us now.”

“So you’re not Bucky Barnes,” Sam tests.

“No. Yes? We are. He is. He’s… here,” Winter looks confused for a second, then his expression smooths out. “He was growing... erratic. A decision had to be made, and he was unable to make it,” he says, starting to sound rather like he's giving a mission report.

“A… decision,” Sam prompts, when there’s no more information coming.

“To contact _him_ ,” Winter says with a flick of his head, indicating Steve. “To debrief. He’s the… ranking officer, now. We answer to him.”

Steve makes a sound like he’s being gutted with a rusted knife.

_“What are you doing here, really,”_ Natasha asks sometime later, deceptively calm, sitting in that loose manner she has when she’s actually ready to jump you and strangle you with her thighs.

 _“We’re here for the Captain,”_ Winter says. _“We knew you’d be here too, though, Spiderling. Your opsec is abysmal.”_

She hums in agreement. _“That’s the downside to being an Avenger. It burned all my covers.”_ They both wince, then her face turns serious. _“What do you want with him?”_

Winter looks at her in confusion, like he’s surprised he has to explain it to _her_ of all people. _“We're his. We always were, that’s the original programming. The Bucky person doesn’t know much, but he knows that_. _Steve's_ ours. _Where_ else _would we go?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this turned out rather more glum than I expected, but Steve insisted on being Dramatic (TM). I honestly plan on it being way more light-hearted once he gets over the split personality thing 😉  
>   
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **BUCKY.**  
>  _Winter?_  
>  **Yes. Just me, it’s safe. Come on.**  
>  _Whe-where are we? What did you_ do?  
>  **What you couldn’t.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winter clamored for attention. I had to.  
> Added as second chapter since it's a logical continuation of the first scene. The story will continue in next parts of the series, so make sure to subscribe to _that_ instead of here 😉
> 
> Shared headspace: **bold** for Winter, _italics_ for Bucky.

_Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve_

Winter sighs. **Bucky.**

_Steve Steve Steve_

**BUCKY.**

_Steve?_

**Yes, Steve. Yes, he’s here.**

_no no he can’t be no we can’t no we didn’t no. Steve._

**Yes, he is. Yes, we are. Just like you wanted.**

_no no we can’t he can’t!_

**BUCKY.**

_Winter?_

**Yes. Just me, it’s safe. Come on.**

_Whe-where are we? What did you_ do?

**What you couldn’t.**

Winter cringes at the wave of panic coming from the farthest, most secure nook of their messed-up head.

**We’re good. We’re safe. Come on, you know I don’t do. People.**

There’s a rustling - how can there even be a rustling, there’s nothing to rustle - which one of them is imagining it? (Focus, Winter.)

 _Steve?_ The voice is a little closer.

 **Yes, Steve. Just** **_look_** **, would you.**

There it is, that peculiar sensation of pages being turned that always accompanies memories being retrieved. They’ve grown to associate it with the ghost-feeling of blood on hands and smell of gunpowder, but this time there’s only blonde hair, blue, bloodshot eyes and a pleading voice.

 _What did you_ do, _Winter?_

 **What you** **_wouldn’t._ **

_He’s crying. Why._

**Well maybe because he expected his best friend and got me instead?**

_We_ are _his best friend._

**You are. Me-**

_You’re me. You’re_ us. _Doesn’t he see that?_

Winter cringes. **Yes, I might’ve been a little… I might’ve played it a bit too close to the chest.**

More of that page-turning. A wince. 

_Why would you. It’s_ Steve.

 **I don’t know the guy, remember?! That’s why** **_you’re_ ** **here! It’s your job!**

 _Wait we’re_ here _we’re actually_ here _he’s actually_ here?!

Winter sighs. **Yes, Bucky. He’s right here. Come on, isn’t this what you wanted?**

 _NO! No, he can’t know, he can’t, we_ shot _him, we_ stabbed _him, we_ can’t, _we_ don’t deserve-

**Bucky.**

_What the hell have you DONE?!_

**Bucky,** **_look_ ** **at him.**

_He’s crying. It’s all our fault! We shouldn’t-_

**It’s** **_not_ ** **our fault,** Winter growls. **It’s** **_his_ ** **and he’s** **_gone_** _._

They both shudder.

 _We still shouldn’t_ be _here!_

 **Bucky, we** **_are_ ** **here. It’s done.**

More rustling. _He. He isn’t mad?_

 **No, he isn’t. He’s been pleading for you for hours. It doesn’t look like he intends us harm.** Winter’s voice goes flat the way it always does on mission reports. He’s had more than enough time to appraise the situation.

_OF COURSE HE DOESN’T HE’S STEVE._

**Then what are you so afraid of?**

_We don’t deserve him._

A confused silence. If there was a head for Winter to tilt, it definitely would have been.

_Winter?_

**I- is this- what’s the- does it mean he’s a threat?**

A small sigh. _No, Winter. He’s Steve._

**You’ve been saying that like it should mean something.**

_He’s…_

There’s a pause, as if Bucky’s trying to gather his thoughts. Winter waits patiently. He’s good at patience.

 _He’s the original handler. I told you. He's_ ours.

**That doesn’t mean he’s safe.**

_Look._

More pages turning. A sound of a baseball game being played on an out-of-tune radio. Smell of fresh laundry. Feeling of laughter bubbling up their throat.

**… then why are you scared?**

_I._

A heavy exhale.

_I can’t explain it to you, can I. Not in terms you’ll understand._

**He looks like he’s hurting. Are we hurting him? There was no violence. I made _sure_.**

_Yes, you did. You did well, Winter._

Winter preens, just a little.

 _But we_ are _hurting him._

**I don’t understand.**

_No, you wouldn’t, Winter_. The voice is distinctly sad.

Winter wants the voice to sound… different. The laughter thing was… appealing.

**Him hurting hurts _you_.**

_… yes._

**He’s been begging for** **_you._ **

_… yes, but-_

Winter does what he does best - he makes a tactical decision based on the information he’s gathered. He bundles the Bucky person in a tight ball and heaves him forcibly to the front, retreating to the now-empty back corner.

**Fix this.**

“... we’ve been combing the Hydra databases, well, Nat and Tony have, for any mention of safehouses-”

There’s a gasp, like a person coming up from being underwater for too long. Steve tenses up.

“... Stevie?” the voice is practically a whisper.

“... yes, Winter?” Steve says, cautiously.

It's a rainy Tuesday evening when Bucky Barnes hurtles himself into his best friend's arms with a sob, knocking all wind out of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! 🙃  
>   
>   
> 


End file.
